Ephemeral L
by kyashiidreams
Summary: L. One simple letter. One not-so-simple person. An enigma, one that I fell in love with. How could it be so simple? He’s a paradox… so real… yet ethereal… He’s there… but only for the briefest of moments… until he disappears again. Slight AU.
1. The Love

L

The Story

L. One simple letter. One not-so-simple person. An enigma, one that I fell in love with. How could it be so simple? He's a paradox… so real… yet ethereal… He's there… but only for the briefest of moments… until he disappears again. Like water he slips from my hands… but this time… I think I've got him.

Light lay on his side, shaking and writhing – tortured by his dream. "L!" he gasps, moaning in his sleep. "L…come back…" He cries silently, tears sliding down from his partially closed eyes. "I… Lo-"

Light woke up, gingerly touching his face – feeling the slight wetness. _L. Where are you now? _He shifted his weight on the bed, yawning with slight sleep. He could almost picture the dark-haired detective sitting with his knees up to his chest, slightly hunched over. "_Raito-kun, would you mind bringing that cake over?"_ Shaking his head, Light stretched before climbing out of bed – heading towards his walk-in closet.

Viewing his carefully pressed clothes with distaste, Light sighed softly. _I've worn all of these at least once._ Emporio Armani, Ralph Lauren, Louis Vuitton… Light reached in, bypassing expensive suits without a second thought. Pulling out a ragged white tee, he held it to his nose – inhaling the sweet scent.

"_Raito-kun should keep it." _L had said. "_He is my first ever friend."_

And he had, despite his mockery of the detective's eccentric taste in clothing. "_I don't want it!" _Raito had yelled,_ "Who needs a ragged white tee from the creep that keeps me chained to him at all times/"_

" _A perverse reminder... perhaps?" _L had questioned, head cocking in response – calm as ever. _"Maybe when I finally die at the hands of Kira, you will feel some remorse."_

Light closed his eyes, slipping L's shirt on his body. It was slightly long and loose, yet comfortably soft from years of wear. _L was right. _After the euphoria of killing the only rival blocking his path to Godhood had worn off, Light had been filled with remorse. Rubbing his eyes with weariness, Light headed to the kitchen – each step resounding through the empty house.

Glancing around, Light cursed as he noticed there was nothing to eat. Grabbing a pair of worn Rock & Republic jeans and his Louis messenger bag, he headed out the front door, not caring the least that he was dressed as a better version of L. Light strolled to the nearest Starbucks, disregarding the stares directed his way.

"Ooh. Look at him."

"Is he a foreign model? That shade of mocha brown can't be Japanese."

"Shh. He'll hear you both."

_Pathetic._ Light scoffed mentally. _Filth like that reminds me far too much of Misamisa. Skanks like that need to die. _A shadow of doubt flitted across his mind, briefly clouding his thoughts. _That's what got L killed._ Closing his eyes, Light could hear L's voice mocking him in his thoughts.

"_Ah. Perhaps my death has changed Raito-kun's way of thinking?"_

"Shut up." Light murmured aloud in response. Turning his gaze to the shocked barista, he quickly regained his composure. "I'm sorry, I thought I heard my… friend call out earlier." Smiling fakely, he focused a megawatt smile to the waitress in front of him. "A House Blend black, hold the sugar."

"Right away sir." She bustled around, quickly handing him the coffee, her number hastily scrawled on the lid.

Light smiled, seething inside at the audacity of the woman. _Disgusting. _He headed to the table in the back, opening his bag and grabbing a white journal.

Death Note. _I shouldn't be using it anymore, but it can't be helped. Criminals are dead, but what of the other scum that litter the streets? Kira needs to punish them as well. _Glancing at his cup, Light read off the name. _Marika Nakamura._

Picking up his pen, Light started to write.

**Marika Nakamura.**

**Dies after a violent domestic tussle with boyfriend**

**Rushed to hospital, dies from slit veins and blood loss.**

Light closed the book, feeling no repentance for what he had just done. A sudden headache greeted him, accompanied by waves of vertigo. Gripping his head with both hands, Light attempted to stop the feeling of his head splitting into two. "Aaggghhh"s

Falling off his chair, all Light remembered was a pair of dark obsidian eyes with heavy eyebags beneath, reminding him strangely of…

_L. I hope you're happy in heaven._


	2. L?

Chapter 2.

_Where am I? There is nothing… besides darkness. Rapists and murderers… Petty crimes eventually leading to death…innocent lives lost for the stupid ideals of others. I hate this world.. I need to reform it. I must-_

_ "But you are the same are you not? Raito-kun."_

_ "No! My ideals are absolute-"_

_ "Justice. Raito-kun thinks quite highly of himself, does he not?"_

"Sir? Are you alright?" Marika gripped Light's shoulder, attempting to shake him awake.

Light blinked his eyes open, pupils dilating rapidly to adjust to the light. _What just happened? Writing a name… and a sudden splitting migraine. _Aware of the other customers in the café staring at him, he spoke curtly. "I'm fine

"That's good. You had me hella worried there for a minute!" She laughed heartily. "I mean, even though you're a model and hella damn hot, you still gotta be careful and eat sometimes ya know? Marika winked. "Now you owe me a phone call for saving you!"

Light smiled, mask already perfectly composed. "Of course." _What an uncouth girl. Vulgar language is a sign of inability to use more intelligent words. Please go away and vanish from the face of the earth._

"Well. I'll be off and waiting for your call!" Marika walked away, "Don't forget to take better care of yourself!"

Light let his smile drop. _I can't stand such refuse. _Standing up from the ground, he gathered his notebook, neatly arranging everything in his messenger. Exiting from the Starbucks, Light was immersed in his own thoughts – unable to comprehend the reason behind his faint.

_Perhaps she was actually right. A case of anemia could have been the cause._ Light scoffed. _As if that dim-witted skank could be right about anything. _

_ "Is Raito-kun unhealthy?" _L had once asked. "_Raito-kun never seems to be eating, aside from potato chips and salad."_

"As if you're any healthier yourself." Light had retorted. "L." Light breathed out, _L… the only one I actually miss. Sayu's is being treated at a mental health facility. Okaa-san's taking care of her.. and 'tou-san's dead.. just like him. Yet I don't spare thought to my family.. Why is L haunting me…? _

Light walked absentmindedly, moving fluidly with the rest of the general population. Crime had been largely eliminated, with even small-time offenders largely punished, with the remainder hiding in fear of being judged by Kira. Citizens could once again walk the roads freely without worry of danger. _See L? This utopia I created is a haven on earth._

_ "Raito-kun is mistaken. Kira kills for the sake of conformity, eliminating all that differ from his beliefs."_

Light sighed inwardly, wishing he could simply forget, simply let go of his feelings… becoming emotionless… detached…_like L. _

A voice jolted Light from his reveries. "Raito-kun?"


	3. Je l'ai vu dans une reve

Chapter 3

Author's note: Konnichiwa~ I just realized I haven't posted any author's notes in my previous chapters. :O Please forgive my characters OOCness sometimes… it's my first fic and I'm working on that. Excuse the terrible grammar as well.*bows deeply* Things are a bit slow lately… but it'll quicken up really soon. :) There is a lemon in this that isn't particularly very graphic. It'll get more and more graphic as the story progresses. /// Please read and review and give suggestions! Arigatou gozaimasu!

"L?" Light questioned, spinning around suddenly. _L? Was that L? _A crowd of people greeted his sight, the ends of messy black hair vanishing before his eyes. Light ran headfirst into the crowd, determined to find L at any cost. _L, where are you? _Pushing his way past the bustling people, he ran – stores passing by in a blur. A glimpse of black hair turning into an alleyway, another glimpse a few minutes later, Light followed, heart pounding, hair astray – paying no attention to where he was going. Upscale stores turned into bars and pubs, the paved road turning into dirt until Light was in the heart of downtown. _Godamnit, I lost him._

Light sat down, cradling his head in his arms, unshed tears making his eyes glisten under the streetlights. _Why couldn't I have realized it earlier? Why couldn't I have just stopped killing. Why did I kill… L?_ Thoughts of the eccentric detective plagued him… the way he ate those cakes, the way he despised things touching his palm, even the hunched way he would sit – intelligent eyes absorbing the environment around him. _L. Let me forget. _

A hand touched Lights back, "I didn't know Raito-kun would chase after me." Voice deep, eyes shadowed by dark rings circling the bottom, hair flying everywhere in a disorderly fashion, there was no doubt that this was L.

"L!" Light cried, overjoyed about the miracle that L was still alive. "L. Your alive, how? What.. why?"

"I am not L."

Light felt all his hopes crashing down, his world instantly crumbling again. "Yet you know my name, why is that?"

"Raito-kun knows this is of no importance. If Raito-kun is aware, he is sitting in the middle of the red-light district. Shall Raito-kun continue to stay, it could be dangerous."

"You didn't answer my question. How can you not be L?"

"Raito-kun, have you lost your– "

The ringing sound of gunshots echoed in the air, breaking off L's sentence. Footsteps sounded, approaching louder and louder.

"Raito-kun should leave before its too late."

"L. Go with me."

"I am not this L you speak of. Go now."

"Hey! Looks like Ryuuzaki found some pretty boy! Look at his body, almost like a gal's!" a voice shouted. "I bet boss could have some fun with him."

Light froze, unable to move. _Not without L._

"Raito-kun, we shall meet again as long as you go."

Light ran, ignoring the clamoring of voices threatening to kill the brat. He turned around, only to find L had disappeared. _Give me hope, only to take it away the next moment. Just like L. _Pulse racing, legs burning, Light sprinted ahead knowing if he was caught, he would be taken as a sex slave. As the he ran, making turns to throw his pursuers off track, the unfamiliar surroundings of downtown slowly morphed into the rich hues of the suburbs.

Light gasped for breath, L's shirt wet with sweat. Opening the door to his penthouse, he staggered in, grabbing a bottle of water. Gulping it down, he flipped onto his bed – thinking about the events that had passed.

_L. I saw L today. He looks the same, yet he seems less… observant._ Sitting up, Light stripped his shirt off, eyes widening in realization. _How did he not realize I was wearing his shirt? Or perhaps he may have, yet declined to remark on it. _Light reached for another shirt hanging off a nearby chair, still thinking about his encounter. _But… why did L head for downtown… the downtown's red light district to be exact? _Mulling over every word exchanged, Light struggled to find an answer. Drifting off to sleep, Light suddenly jolted awake.

"Ryuuzaki." He murmured aloud. _That man called him Ryuuzaki. Not L… but Ryuuzaki. And didn't I kill L? Should L and Ryuuzaki be the same person, that doesn't explain why my death note failed to work. Could it be Ryuuzaki is truly not L as he claims.. But why does he look so similar. How does he know who I am? _Grasping at the chances of Ryuuzaki and L being the same person, Light tossed, unable to sleep. _I'll have to find out tomorrow. L. Why do you taunt me like this? Why do you appear in a fleeting instant, only to leave seconds later?_ Filled with questions, Light fell into a deep slumber.

_Feathery touches, caresses slowly headed downwards. L's hands, elegant fingers stroking Light's body, lips gently sucking on Light's neck. Light arched into the touch, wantonly opening his legs – allowing L better access. L's hands plunged onto Light's shaft, stroking it softly – watching it harden before his eyes._

"_My, aren't you a dirty one Raito-kun?" L stated, "Getting so hard just from my touches."_

"_Shut up." Light blushed at the fact._

"_Ah. But I like it." L pinched Light's nipple, twisting it – eliciting a moan from Light. "Would Raito-kun mind bending over?"_

_One finger inserted, moving in and out. Another finger added, scissoring with the first._

"_Ahhh.. L. No more! I want you inside me!" Light exclaimed, unable to wait any longer._

_A kiss, tongues battling for dominance, and L was in Light, searching for that bundle of nerves. _

"_AHHHHH!" Light screamed. "L MORE!"_

"_It appears as if I found Raito-kun's prostate."_

_L quickened his pace, the moans from Light coming faster and faster. One final thrust and they both climaxed. _

"_L… aishiteru wa…"_

The moonlight illuminating Light's bedroom, a shadowed figure blushed from the window, apparently having witnessed Light's dream. "How shall I go about reporting this to my charge?"


	4. It doesn't Matter

Author's Note: I. Love. Each. And. Everyone. Of. You. Readers~! I cannot say how happy it makes me to look in my email and see that people added my story to their favorites list and left such amazingly sweet reviews! *bows down* I hope I'll continue to be worthy of this honour! I'm so sorry for the super OOCness in this chappie.. but it is needed to propel the plotline!

Yes, I know this is a bit confusing, but bear with me! :) And who is this mystery L? Is it even really L? Or is it someone else? Does anyone have any theories about who / what it might be? I'll reveal the identity in the next chappie! And I shall give a virtual L plushie to whoever figures it out first :)

Ahhh! I'm very absent-minded. I haven't put any disclaimers up for the other chapters… so I'll just start now. :D

I don't own Death Note or any of the super hot characters… :( I only own this lamebrain of mine!

**Chapter 4.**

Light was embarrassed. No. Embarrrassed would have been the understatement of the century. Light was mortified to every single degree possible – his face turning red, a blush creeping upon his ears and cheeks. Light sneaked another peak downward, confirming what he had previously thought.

Light had a wet dream. About L. _What am I? A prepubescent teenager? _Residue of a sticky substance made certain parts of his jeans reflect a tiny bit of light. Light sighed as he stripped out of his now soiled pants, tossing them into the hamper. _That's right. L said he would meet me again. But how? Where?_ Light exhaled, _I'll take a shower first. Clear the mind, clean the body, purify the soul._

Discarding the rest of his ensemble, Light stepped into the shower – his elongated fingers gracefully turning the knob. Sounds of rushing water, the heat scalding his body, Light's thoughts drifted to his dream. _L's perfect body, the scrawny curve of a girl's yet fortified by toned muscles gained from capoiera. Those lips, capturing his own in a deep kiss fighting for dominance. A push, a grind, a thrust – and the moans elicited… escaping in a husky voice. _

_What am I doing? _Light turned the water to cold, trying to get rid of the thoughts… and to stop himself from getting another erection. Basking in the cold, the shower drizzle feeling like rain upon his back, Light thought back… back to the day when he killed L.

It was raining that day too. L had been on the rooftop, musing about the bells that would knell for him. _"I am merely thinking about the possibilities of my death. I wonder when Kira will finally decide to kill me." _L had answered when Light had gone up to find him. _L had looked like an angel. _Light reminisced. L's hair was weighted down from the rain, black locks framing his pale face – a pink glow surrounding the cheeks due to the cold. _Yet I killed him. _Light thought bitterly.

Rinsing the remainder of the soap suds from his hair with a surprising vengeance, Light exited his shower. Toweling his hair dry, Light walked over to his closet – considering carefully what he should wear. _I'm going back there to go look for L. _Choosing a pair of ripped denim jeans in a sandy blue, Light matched it with a black Armani Emporium jacket and matching tee. Grabbing his wallet and keys, Light opened the door to his baby – a silver Mercedes. Light started driving, grateful for his photographic memory. _I know exactly where I was last time._

Parking his car in the parking garage on the borderline of the slums and the wealthier district, Light got out – walking to that streetlight… under which he met L. _Will I see you today?_ Sitting under the lamp, Light waited, carelessly ignoring the lecherous stares from the passersby's.

Hours passed, and Light was getting restless. Standing up, he turned around – only to see L hugging goodbye to a pale boy wearing completely white under the canopy of a love hotel. _No. L can't be taken. No. Impossible. _Feeling his hopes completely crushed, obliterated by the other boy, Light was angered. Walking briskly, he arrived just in time to see the pale boy leave. _That godamned brat. _

"Raito-kun?" Ryuuzaki questioned. "What are you doing here?"

Light grabbed Ryuuzaki's wrist, practically dragging him into the hotel. Taking out his wallet, Light threw it at the counter boy, grabbing a set of keys from his hands. Unlocking the hotel door rapidly, Light pushed Ryuuzaki down onto the bed… fury consuming his logical thoughts.

Overpowering Ryuuzaki, Light fastened the shackles onto Ryuuzaki's wrists and ankles – tying him spread eagle to the bed.

Eyes widening in fear, Ryuuzaki murmured, "Why is Raito-kun doing this?"

"Do you know how much I fucking love you L? Do you know how much you plague my thoughts every day?

"I believe I have already told Raito-kun I am not L."

Light broke down, his tough exterior fading – revealing the hidden insecurities. _He's not L. I almost acted like a rapist. I almost went against my very morals. _Freeing Ryuuzaki from the shackles, Light asked through his tears, "If you're not L.. who are you?"

"Ryuuzaki Rue." Ryuuzaki placed his arms around Light. "But I can be a replacement for this "L" you keep confusing me with." Leaning downwards, Ryuuzaki captured Light's lips in a ferocious kiss.. biting and tugging for entrance.

"Ryuuzaki…" Light whispered. "Who was that boy in white with you?"

"Is Raito-kun worried? He's my creator. He taught me how to do this." Ryuuzaki pushed upwards, grinding their cocks together. "But Raito-kun will be sure to keep this a secret. He doesn't like socialization…and if he finds out, Raito-kun may be in danger."

Light moaned, his worries fading away for the time being. _I… don't… care anymore._ Opening his legs wantonly, Light spread himself for Ryuuzaki. "Put it in. I want you in me now."

Ryuuzaki breathed on Light's ear, teasing the lobe with nips and bites. "Raito-kun is much better than he is."

Taking the carton of lube resting on the counter, Ryuuzaki slipped a finger in – thoroughly coating it with jelly before taking it out. Pressing his mouth to Light's anus, Ryuuzaki poked his tongue in, coating it with saliva before adding his finger. Another finger added in, drawing a sharp gasp of pain from Light.

Ryuuzaki sucked on Light's neck, soothing the younger down with butterfly kisses. "Shh.. It'll only hurt for a moment." A single fluid thrust, and Ryuuzaki was in. "Can Raito-kun feel it? My penis is in his anus."

Light blushed at the awkwardness of the statement, relishing the ecstasy as Ryuuzaki slammed into him again and again – hitting that small bundle of nerves each time. Nearing climax, Light's moans increased in both frequency and reverberated through Ryuuzaki's mouth, bring both of them to a finish – collapsing onto the bed in a sweaty heap.

"Raito-kun is very good in bed."

"I cannot seem to Raito-kun anywhere." He bowed, apologizing to his charge.

"Check the surveillance cameras in the house again." Another voice commanded. A single tear slid down, glistening in the darkness. _Raito-kun, I'm sorry to put you through this. Just a little longer. But I need to know if Raito-kun is Kira. I am not allowed to have feelings… because. I. am. Justice._


End file.
